Head Bangers

I mentioned in Wall-E last weak that you can't change other people, So even in a intimate relationship you can only control your own actions. Now of course their are the old fashion ways of getting what you want. Such as not talking to the other until they yield. This is a very dangerous game if you want to stay in a relationship. Just know that if you make this a habit they will probable stop talking to you for good.

Another way people try to get there way is taking away sex. If you are with somebody that is self sufficient then this is really a bad idea. If they can take care of them selves then why would they put up with you. They can not have sex with anyone.

The other way is by getting mad or throwing a temper tantrum. Now they may keep you if your pouty all the time but the truth is none of this stuff works. maybe temporarily but you get boring if you always do the same things.

So you may ask yourself how can I change the person I'm with. I hate to tell you ladies but this is the mindset that you go in with a lot of the time. Not good to go into a relationship thinking I just need to change them then they would do what I want.  Almost guaranteed to fail. I'm not picking on you, a lot of guys do it also, I'm just saying  . . . . . really.

Let me put it this way. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE SOMEONE UNLESS THEY WANT TO CHANGE.

So I'm going to tell you to change someone but it's a lot of work so make sure your spending it on the right person.

Have you ever heard the saying the definition of Crazy is to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I think this is one saying that we need to pay attention to ourselves. We waste a lot of time banging our heads against the wall. So lets get started. This may take all day and believe me I have other things to do. I hope you brought your Wheaties.

STEP 1: Change yourself.

STEP 2: Repeat step one.

That's it. If you want your partner to change then you have to help them heal by changing yourself.
Now we try this all the time and it never works. Sound familiar. Example would be you tell yourself ok I'm not going to argue with them anymore and they will see that none of this is my fault. So you don't argue for a week or maybe two if your really dedicated but then they cross the line and you can't take it anymore. You tell them exactly what you think and we brake out the always and the never. "You never listen to me. You always throw your stuff on the floor. Of course I'm just being nice, we all know if you just said that it wouldn't be a very long argument.

Now back to the work If you change your behavior I guarantee they will change theirs but it might take a very long time. Whether your a Christian or not you should watch the movie Fire Proof if you want to save your relationship and your out of ideas. If you have already seen it and your still having problems watch it again. Now if this is to hard for you to change then what makes you think they will.

I think the biggest mistake people do when they try this is they do it to prove their right instead of really changing. If you really have to courage to save your relationship then you have to change without expecting any results at all out of your partner. Make sure you don't put time limits on it either. Doing something for two weeks never saved a relationship. Now you may say it's not worth all that so if that's the case, shouldn't you just move along.

Remember your free to do what you want so if you don't want a relationship, then don't have one. If you don't want to be married, then don't get married. If you don't want a kid then don't get pregnant or get someone pregnant. Oh I'm sorry I thought it was common sense day for a second. This is some good stuff. some of you should be taking notes. Well you know I've taken the easy way out and left the bag in your lap. You are probable upset that I would leave you all alone to fix your problems but you know if it's really that important to you maybe you should try something different and I might change too.